she let herself go

"on a singles cruise,
To Vegas once, then to Honolulu.
Let herself go to New York City:
A week at the Spa; came back knocked-out pretty.
When he said he didn't love her no more,
She let herself go." (click on the link to hear the song)

She stood up for all that she missed. Went to the lake, spend time with friends, buy a new car… she became true to herself and to her desires. She had been sacrificing for him, their home and their children. She was at the grocery store when he left her a note; “said he didn’t love her no more.” Did she lose sleep? Did she cry? Maybe some…but then she moved on…

For all that its worth, that is what many of the friends I left back home should do; move on, and let themselves go, stand up for their rights and decide that marriage is in fact an equal partnership and a joint venture. It is not about what one person wants, it is about what the couple wants. What is best for the new family, the wife, the husband and the children.

I have been waking up recently thanking God I am not married to a Lebanese - not that I would have married one even if I had stayed in Lebanon (Lebanese men are just not my style). But after much observation of the interactions between Lebanese couples, I now wonder even more how my counterparts could live like that. I see that there are basic rights that my friends are denied, say in matters, equal partnerships, respect, attention...(and the list goes on).

Take for example naming a child: how could a husband enforce what to name the child just hours after the baby is born without even remotely considering the wishes of the mother? How could a husband decide to buy a family house and write the title in his name only? How could a husband sacrifice the needs of his wife and child and bend backwards to the whims of his mother and siblings?

I frown when I think of the things that Lebanese women tolerate in order to avoid confrontations in the domicile. They pile it all on themselves, sacrificing their opinions and their needs in the hope of maintaining a marriage. I ask one of my friends: “why?” “I do not want to start an argument,” she responds. I thought marriage was about communications. I try to tell her that much, but she brushes me off before I finish with my sentence. “We are living in Lebanon, and I am just happy to be married.” Now isn’t that shocking…marriage is considered a privilege in Lebanon, a rare commodity bestowed on a lucky few. That is too bad…

I hate to see my friends in such a situation, but what is the alternative they have? Get a divorce and live alone? Be a single mom? Maybe just having a man under the roof is enough for them. But I think they should let themselves go…